Rain
by Goodbyecruelworld
Summary: Strange how hard it rains now...


**_It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart  
Beating close to mine_**

My eyes fluttered open and closed several times. My breathing was drowned out by the steady beating of his heart. I felt his warm chest rise and fall, a rhythm much slower than my own. I looked up at the ceiling because everything else was a blur. I furrowed my brow and gently pushed his soft form, feeling suffocated by the once sweet-smelling hazelnut. He let out a grunt before turning away from me. I pulled the covers tightly around me, suddenly feeling cold and alone. I sat up slowly and picked my glasses up off the dresser, pushing them up the bridge of my nose. Pressing my hand against my forehead, I scanned the room and tried to remember the events of just a few hours ago.

**_Pounding up against the stone and steel  
Walls that I won't climb_**

I remember feeling my heart go slack. I remember the numbing pain. The inevitable rejection. I shook my head and groaned. So many stupid mistakes. I should've known better. I tried to block those memories. I refused to dwell on the past, but then again, where was I without it?

**_Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep  
You think that you're gonna drown_**

I slipped out from under the covers and threw my shirt back on in the cold room. I tried to steady myself, but the dizzy spell was too much. My knees buckled under me and I crouched on the floor, trying to catch my breath. I lowered my head and pulled my knees into my chest as it constricted. I took slow, gasping breaths, clutching to what little control I still possessed.

**_Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep  
With all this rain falling down_**

I almost jumped out of my skin as the booming sound of thunder tore through the light pattering of rain against the window pane. The heart inside me shook, not with fear, but with grief. I felt live warm tears stream down my face. Mourning for everything I had lost. And everything I had never been given.

**_Strange how hard it rains now  
Rows and rows of big dark clouds  
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud  
Rain_**

The rain fell harder, sending flash flood warnings through my mind. I turned over my shoulder to glance at the red numbers on the clock. It read four nineteen. Too late to go back to bed, yet too early to officially wake up. I grimly thought of the irony. Why was it that bad things happened on rainy days?

**_Its hard to know when to give up the fight  
Two things you want will just never be right  
Its never rained like it has tonight before_**

But had it truly been a bad thing? The night had been wonderful. There were candles and rose petals, a lovely meal and a bottle of champagne. I smiled wanly. Alvin could be romantic…and charming when he wanted to be. But some munks didn't even need to make an effort. They were already perfect gentlemen. I was brought back into reality when a flash of lightning illuminated the sky. I heard Alvin inhale sharply and turned to see him shoot straight up in bed.

"Some storm." was all I could manage to murmur, feeling my heart ache at the distant memory of those beautiful stormy gray eyes. And the piercing blue ones peering into mine.

**_Now I don't wanna beg you baby  
For something maybe you could never give  
I'm not looking for the rest of your life  
I just want another chance to live_**

"Jeanette?" He asked groggily, squinting his eyes at the alarm clock.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, trying to keep the quiver out of my voice.

"Fine. And you?" I blinked back tears. My breath hitched in my throat. How could I possibly tell him? _"Gee, thanks for the wonderful night, but I'm in love with your brother." _

"Jeanette? What's wrong?" His brow was furrowed as he stepped into his jeans and walked over to me. When I didn't respond, he put his hand on my shoulder and tears streamed down my face once again.

"Jeanette?" He pulled me into his arms and stroked my hair. I just shook my head and pulled away. I opened my mouth, trying to speak, but my throat closed up and all that came out was a gargling noise.

"I'm sorry. I don't speak fish." Alvin flashed a lop-sided grin. I laughed half-heartedly. I loved the way he tried to cheer me up when I was down. That was what had started it. He was there for me in my time of need.

"Alvin," I finally managed to croak, "Why did you…help me last night?"

"I'm your friend, Jeanette. You were hurt and…" Alvin trailed off, a pleading look in his eyes. I knew he didn't want to talk about it.

"Do you love me?" I asked. My voice was barely a whisper, but I knew he'd heard me.

"What?" He asked anyway. Playing dumb was like a defense mechanism to him. I sighed and repeated the question, louder this time. He ran his hand over his face. I was sure he was trying to avoid eye contact. I took his hand in mine and stroked his palm gently with my thumb.

"Alvin. It's fine. I know how much you love her." I said, turning my head away.

"No. It's not fine…I took advantage of your…your vulnerability. I shouldn't have done it. I'm not looking for something serious. I'm so sorry, Jeanette." His voice sounded strained.

"I know. I understand completely. Neither was I." His eyebrow arched in confusion. I felt a shadow of a smile on my lips.

"Alvin…I'm sorry. I guess I just needed…to feel loved. If only for a little while." He chuckled softly and gave my hand a squeeze.

"I do love you, Jeanette. Just not the way you need me to." I felt a few more tears trail down my cheeks. He brushed one away with his thumb.

"Thank you, Alvin…" I kissed him. Just one more time.

**_Strange how hard it rains now  
Rows and rows of big dark clouds  
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud  
Rain Rain Rain_**

I slipped into the library and sat down before that face I knew and loved. He looked up at me questioningly.

"Simon…" I paused. The way his name rolled off my tongue with such ease made a chill run down my spine.

"About the other night…" I trailed off.

"Don't worry about it, Jeanette. I know how lonely it can get when you're alone. I don't blame you one bit." He smiled tightly before returning his attention to the book in his hands.

I felt my blood run cold and my heart stop. He didn't _blame_ me. I stood up without another word and stepped out into the rain, not bothering to open my umbrella. The droplets of water felt warm against my skin.

It felt like the world was ending. But I was still alive. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and looked up into the sky, until it was impossible to see out of my glasses. And even after that. The irony of rain never ceased to amaze me.

**(A/N):** Thanks for reading. Kindly review.


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